Ah, DC Comics. Fine purveyors of girl-on-girl action since 1938:

Wait… what’d you think I meant by “action?”

Get yer mind outta the gutter and focus, people! It’s Thursday night, and that means it’s time for another round of the Internet’s Most Misleading Comics Reviews! Here’s what I picked up this week…

And here’s what was so awesome about ’em!

Comics

Amazing Spider-Man #560: Some of you might recall that I’ve been a fan of professional wrestling off and on throughout my life, and in discussions of that most noble sport of kings, the term “mark” is one that gets thrown around a lot, although you don’t hear it as much anymore now that the WWE’s embraced the idea of being “Sports Entertainment” and dropped a lot of the secrecy that used to be around the industry. See, a mark is somebody who “thinks it’s real”–or at least, somebody who buys into the illusion long enough to buy a t-shirt–and while I like to think that I’m a shrewder customer than most, Dr. K can vouch for the fact that when we went to Smackdown last year, it only took two seconds of the Undertaker’s theme music to get me out of my seat and cheering like a schoolgirl.

Point being: I marked out so hard for Spider-Man this week.

Don’t get me wrong: There’s nothing about this issue that’s going to set the world on fire or redefine the character, and to be honest, there’s not even anything about it that you wouldn’t expect from talented guys like Dan Slott and Marcos Martin. Beautiful pages, a new villain with an interesting hook (that being “What if Flatman from the Great Lakes Avengers was an obsessive goth girl”), it’s all the same kind of enjoyable stuff that we’ve seen from these guys before. But this time around, everything just comes together so well that it caught me up in the story, and all the dissatisfaction of “One More Day” and the recent disappointing bits from the Spider-Man “brain-trust” were gone. Even the pop art gags that I’d seen before in Grant Morrison’s Batman just worked better with Martin’s art. And that last page… There’s no reason I shouldn’t have seen it coming–I read the solicitations every month, fer Chrissakes–but it blindsided me with just how perfect it was.

Admittedly, I’m more excitable about this stuff than most people–after all, if I wasn’t as enthusiastic as I am, you probably wouldn’t be reading about it on my daily comics blog–and there are a lot of things that can account for how much I loved this issue. I might’ve just been in a really good mood, or maybe Slott stumbled on just the right formula of nostalgia and action to remind me one more time of why Spider-Man’s one of my absolute favorite characters. But whatever it was, it hit all of my Spider-Fan buttons, and I don’t regret a second of it.

Well, except for the part where I actually typed a phrase like “pushed all my Spider-Fan buttons,” that is. Probably best to just move on.

Captain America #38: Hang on a second… This is Captain America? But there are scenes that take place during the day in this one, and that can’t be right…

Oh, but I kid. The record will show that I actually like the dark, moody color palette of the series a heck of a lot, especially since it goes along pretty well with Ed Brubaker’s noir-influenced scripts. Still, sometimes it’s nice to see Steve Epting’s artwork with the bright splashes of color that only Captain America kicking a terrorist beekeeper in the face at high noon can provide.

Then again, it’s always nice to read Captain America.

Catwoman #79: With the end of the series on the horizon and only three more issues left until the axe falls, I feel like I can finally say this:

If you don’t like Will Pfeifer’s Catwoman, then we can never be friends.

I’m sorry, but… Well, actually, that’s a lie, I’m not sorry at all. I mean, sure, I like having friends, but to be honest, with a disagreement on such a fundamental issue as the quality of one of DC’s hands-down best series, I doubt there’s a lot we’d agree on anyway. Take this issue, for instance: I give a lot of credit to Pfeifer–and believe me, I think he deserves every bit of it–but even beyond his sharp, engaging scripts, David and Alvaro Lopez make the art in this book sing. If you have a copy handy, flip open to page seven and just look at how beautiful it is from the basic layout right down to the overlay of a smirking Catwoman at the bottom. It’s gorgeous, and the thing is, it’s not out of the ordinary. You can find something that well-done on every page.

And if you can’t, well, like I said. We’re not friends. But just so we’re clear on this, I’ll still be accepting birthday presents from acquaintances, lackeys and assorted hangers-on.

And also Dave Campbell.

The Damned: Prodigal Sons #2: If you’ve ever wondered what Weekend at Bernies would be like if it was a supernatural crime noir thriller–and really, who hasn’t?–then brother, have I got the comic book for you!

Normally, this is where I’d tell you I was just kidding and then give a semi-serious review, but that’s actually a pretty good description, except that Damned is about thirty times better than Bernie’s could ever be. But the point stands: While the first series and its focus on Eddie, his curse and his desperate attempts to rise up through the ranks of the demon mafia were dead serious, this issue is… well, it’s funny, with a sense of humor that veers into slapstick in scenes where Morgan escapes from mobsters while lugging around his brother’s corpse, occasionally using it as a shield or a battering ram.

It sounds grotesque–and it is, albeit in an Itchy & Scratchy sort of way–but more than anything else, it’s a riot, and Brian Hurtt’s subtle shifts from his usual work to a more exaggerated, cartoonish (and in places, Will Eisner-ish) style as the scenes cut back and forth between Eddie and Morgan just sell the whole gimmick beautifully. It’s an absolutely fantastic read, and if you’ve been curious about the series thus far, this is the one to pick up, just to see what these guys can do with it.

In fact, the only way it could be better is if–hang on, what’s this?

Ah, that settles it, then. This issue couldn’t possibly be better.

Incredible Hercules #117: In this comic, a Japanese god of evil who speaks only in Haiku fights a polar bear.

So really, there’s no possible way that this isn’t the best comic book of the week. Maybe the year.

Seriously, though: Forget about Secret Invasion. Super-heroes fighting Skrulls? That’s tired. It’s been done. But Sacred Invasion, where the pantheons of Earth get together to go fight the Skrull gods? That is genius. And I know: I’ve been singing the praises of Pak and Van Lente’s work on this book for months, but it always bears repeating that with the combination of mythology and Marvel, they’ve not only done something that captures the sweeping grandeur of what an event like Secret Invasion should be, they’ve come as close to creating my ideal Marvel Comic as anything else I’ve ever read.

If you haven’t already, take a look: The first trade hit shelves this week, and while it won’t be until the next one that they really hit their stride with incorporating the mythology, it’s very well worth it.

Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files: Welcome to the Jungle #2: Okay, somebody help me out here, because I’m really starting to get confused. I was getting ready to go back in and catch up with my annotations of the Anita Blake comics, but then I read this and… And I think it might be… pretty good.

I mean, it’s snappily written and reasonably well-drawn, everything seems to make sense (well, after a fashion), the action sequences are paced well and tense, and there are funny parts that are funny because they’re funny and not because they’re awful, and the main character is actually likable and doesn’t sit around waiting for things to happen to him rather than actually doing something. And even weirder, there are supporting characters that I don’t hate. It’s… It’s just very confusing.

I mean, this is a comic book adaptation of an urban fantasy novel, right? And it’s actually a fun read? But that would mean that everything I know about the genre is… wrong? Man. I think I might need to lay down for a minute.

Madame Mirage #6: Hey, did you guys know this thing was still coming out?

Yeah, me neither. Next.

Marvel Adventures Avengers: Mark your calendars, folks: Not only does this issue of the world’s best Avengers title feature the return of ISB Favorite writer Jeff Parker, but it also features the return of the Sensational Character Find of 2007.

That’s right, folks: Karl’s in the house.

And as is often the case with comics where AIM’s most illustrious agent makes an appearance, there’s nothing about this one that isn’t fun. It’s one of those comics where it’s obvious that Parker was laughing all the way through it, from Captain America’s “That’s how we had lunch back in the war!” to Doc Samson’s psychological evaluation and its non-stop parade of in-jokes to the first appearance of the Marvel Adventures Bi-Beast–a phrase I never thought I’d get to type–and it’s a feeling that came through very well through Guara’s art.

It’s great, and most importantly, younger readers can appreciate that the story has a moral: The best way to help people is to beat other people up. It’s science!

And that’s the week. As always, any questions about anything I read–or if anyone would care to explain what the fuck Lisa Lampanelli was doing in my Goddamn X-Factor this week–can be left in the comments section below.

I mean seriously, what the hell? Lisa Lampanelli. It’s enough to make a guy drop the book.

For those of you who were wondering, this…

…is just how Jack Staff rolls.

So by this point, you all know how it works, right? Someone gets kicked in the face, I give you a list of things I bought this week…

…and then I set out to deliver the Internet’s Most Preposterous Comics Reviews! It’s just that easy!

Comics

Conan #50: This week, the Dark Horse Conan relaunch reaches its milestone final issue–to be reborn next month as Conan the Cimmerian–and Tim Truman and Tomas Giorello go out fighting. Which, of course, is exactly what you should expect from a book about everyone’s favorite barbarian, especially since that’s what we’ve been getting at a very consistent level of quality for over four years now. And this one delivers, too, with a great story backed up by a beautiful page of sketches, a text piece, and of course, The Adventures of Two-Gun Bob.

The most interesting thing about this issue, however, is not Truman and Giorello’s story. Or at least, not the story as it stands on its own. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good, solid stuff that does a bang-up job adapting Robert E. Howard’s unfinished fragment, but this issue also reprints the Roy Thomas/John Buscema version from 1973 as a bonus feature, and while the story it’self is enjoyable, it’s far more fun to see how two different creators can tackle the same source material and come away with something completely different. Thomas’s version, of course, ran in one issue, and since I’d never refer to Truman’s Conan work as being overly decompressed, it makes a great little contrast in the storytelling style.

As to the meat of the stories, well, Conan has a far more active role in this year’s model, what with the fact that he fights monsters, an elder god, a wizard and a zombie, solving his problems with decapitation rather than wenching. And the fact that I can type that last sentence in relatively serious review? Yeah, that’s exactly why I love Conan.

Dynamo 5 Annual #1: And speaking of big expensive anniversary issues that get it right, we have this one, which fills in bits of backstory on Captain Dynamo and provides the second-best jumping on point you could ask for.

The choice of including a full-length reprint along with three new short stories was a pretty good move on Faerber’s part, too: I’ve read every issue of Noble Causes, and while I remembered the scene of Zephyr’s Big Reveal, I’d completely forgotten that he’d laid the seeds of the womanizing Captain Dynamo that far back, and not only did it serve as a good reminder of how creative he can be when he’s planning this stuff out, but it also serves as a nice sampler of what you can get from Noble Causes, too. It’s a win-win!

Franklin Richards: Not So Secret Invasion:

SKRULL HERBIE.

That is all.

Gemini #1: So, back to Jay Faerber: As mentioned above, I’m a pretty big fan of his work, and when you get right down to it, I think it all comes down to volume. It’s not that the characters and the stories themselves aren’t good–and far from it; despite the occasional stutter, his books are generally some of the more enjoyable comics around–but when you’re generating this many new super-heroes, something’s gotta stick, and Faerber’s Image work hits it more often than not.

It’s the same principle that I find so engaging about Todd Nauck’s Wildguard and Robert Kirkman’s Capes, but instead of confining it to a single book, Faerber’s building a whole little universe of titles, and his latest has a concept that’s as strong as any of the others. In case you missed the solicitation, it’s a simple premise: Cubicle worker Dan Johnson is a super-hero by night, a fact of which Johnson himself is blissfully unaware. Instead, he’s closely monitored by a team of operators that control his changes in identity.

It’s a fun concept with a surprising twist at the end, and while Jon Sommariva’s art can get a little too stylized at times, it suits the story well, and its highly reminiscent of Humberto Ramos at its best. It’s good stuff.

The Invincible Iron Man #1: So at this point, everyone’s seen the Iron Man movie, right? I mean, it made like four hojillion dollars last weekend, so statistically speaking, we’re all on the same page here. And if that’s the case, well, I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is that the affable, slightly-soused technologist that shows up in the movie hasn’t had a lot in common with his comic book counterpart, since that guy’s spent the past few years in his own title trying to send Captain America to a concentration camp and hiring the Titanium Man to attack Congress.

The good news? Matt Fraction kicked off an Iron Man book this week that is exactly the comic people who liked the movie should be picking up.

I mean, this is a book where Tony Stark goes from outer space to bed with a supermodel to the bridge of the Helicarrier in the span of three pages, then blows right out into a battle against the finest exclamation-point SCIENCE! I’ve seen since Warren Ellis’s Extremis. I’ve mentioned before that there are really only six Iron Man stories you need to read to get everything there is to know about the character, and while this one is certainly a variation on one of those themes–or a couple of them–it all comes off as a slick, fun, entry-level book that’s just full of appeal for the mass audience. If you’ve seen the movie, then you’ve already got the basics of Ezekiel Stane, even without reading his earlier appearances in The Order, and the snappy back-and forth between Tony Stark and The Widow Potts fits right in, too.

Plus, it features an AIM splinter group called Advanced Genocide Mechanics. Those guys just get crazier every day.

Iron Man: Viva Las Vegas #1: And while we’re on the subject of comics for people who liked the Iron Man movie, we have this one, which, as it’s written by director John Favreau and drawn by “Armor Consultant” Adi Granov, might as well have just been called Iron Man: He’s In A Movie, Bitches. Anyway, it’s fun and zips right along–by which I mean that you can read it cover to cover in a leisurely two and a half minutes–but it is quite possibly the most important comic book you will buy this week.

Why?

Because, and I cannot stress this enough, Elsa Bloodstone appears on page one.

Jack Staff #16: Earlier tonight, I was talking to Kevin about our mutual love of Brtain’s Greatest Hero–which in his case amounts to a wholehearted endorsement of any alleged unsavory practices in which Paul Grist may or may not engage–and it occurred to me that there’s really only one way to describe why I love this book so much.

Imagine being able to read eight comic books at the same time, and they’re all absolutely fantastic. That’s what reading Jack Staff is like. Reading Paul Grist comics is like having super-powers.

Wasteland #17: Hey, check it out! I’m blurbed again!

Not a bad quote, if I do say so myself, and pretty accurate when it comes to describing Johnston and Mitten’s work with this issue. However, it’s not the quote I wish I’d come up with, which also made the back cover this month:

Well-spoken, Going Train! Clearly, this is something you should all be reading.

Trades

JLA Presents Aztek: The Ultimate Man: Gather round, children, and I’ll tell you a story of a long-forgotten time, when a book written by Grant Morrison and Mark Millar was so commercially unsuccessful that it was canceled in less than a year. Hard to imagine, I know, but it happened, and this is the proof.

It’s not for lack of awesome, though. In the pantheon of DC’s great late-90s super-hero titles–Ennis and McRea’s Hitman, Morrison and Porter’s JLA, Waid’s Flash and Robinson’s Starman—Aztek always sticks out as the one that never really seemed to get its chance, and as far as I’m concerned, that amounts to one of the biggest missed opportunities in comics. Like all of those books, it’s just loaded with personality, and given enough time, there’s no doubt in my mind that at the very least, Vanity could’ve risen to become the same kind of rich, deeply crafted setting that’s personified by Starman‘s Opal City. And yet, it got the axe after #11.

But rest assured: What there is of the series is a heck of a lot of fun, from Aztek’s fight with a guy named “Bloodtype” to the first use of “super-sane” version of the Joker that would crop up later in Morrison’s run on Batman. And it’s because it’s so fun that it’s so tragic that it got canceled.

Well, maybe not tragic. I mean, he did make a pretty lateral movement over to the pages of JLA, where he had one of the series’ best moments fighting Mageddon the Anti-Sun. But still, read that last issue, where Morrison and Millar go through a brief list of the plots they never got a chance to use, and tell me we didn’t miss out big time. Either way, it’s a great little series, and it’s well worth reading.

And that’s the week. As always, any correspondence regarding something I read this week–like the great new issue of Rob Osborne’s Nearly Infamous Zango or the most fun issue yet of Rex Libris, the world’s wordiest comic–can be left below.

As for me, I’m gonna check out this sleep thing everyone’s always talking about. I hope it’s as good as GTA.

Oh man, you guys!

So last night, I’m cruising around Liberty City in a Sabre GT that I just stole, you know, just rollin’ around all high-speed like Gone in 60 Seconds when I crashed, and not only did Niko go through the windshield, but when I tried to start the car, the engine wouldn’t turn over, complete with Niko going “Oh come on, don’t do this to me…”

And later, I got a hooker, and brother, if you thought they were freaked out by Mass Effect, then–

Huh?

Oh, right. Comics.

Yes, should you ever doubt my commitment to the ISB or my benevolence to its readership, just keep in mind that it’s Thursday night, and I’m putting down the controller to bring you the Internet’s Most Egregious Comics Reviews!

Here’s what I picked up this week…

And here’s what I read between missions!

Avengers: The Initiative #12: I like Dan Slott’s work an awful lot, and while I’ve had my problems with this title in the past–mostly centered on the coloring–this week’s issue shows exactly why The Initiative is one of Marvel’s best team books.

I’ll admit that I’m a sucker for a lot of simple storytelling tricks–or for anything that gives the indication that a writer thought about a story for longer than it actually took to type it–but in tying the last page of his first year to the first page of the first issue, Slott does more than just provide a circular structure for the story. In those two pages, the results of everything that’s happened to Cloud 9 over the past twelve issues are brought to the forefront, along with everything that the Initiative itself stands for, both good and bad. When we first see her, she’s essentially just goofing off with her powers, whereas now, she’s using them to help people with the experience and teamwork that the program was designed for. But, like the mother that she’s saving says, this is her job now, and while she’s far more efficient, all the joy and freedom that comes with a power like being able to fly around on your own Monkey King-esque cloud is gone.

It’s a great bit, and it does a lot more to point out the opposing sides of the SHRA and put them on equal footing than Civil War even attempted. It’s a great book, and if you haven’t… well, you know the drill.

Blue Beetle #26: As you may already be aware, this one was done as a special “Spanish Language” issue, and almost all of the dialogue for the story–which takes place at Jaime’s family reunion–is, well, in Spanish. Sort of self-explanatory, that.

In any case, I’ve seen people speculating on the fan reaction to this issue since it was solicited, and while the comics-reading audience is notoriously fickle, I didn’t think there’d be much of a problem. After all, if you’re already a Blue Beetle reader–and statistically speaking, a heck of a lot more people should be–you’re probably in it for the long haul, and if anything, I imagine the novelty might appeal to new readers, so the Español aspect never really worried me. I was more concerned with the fact that this issue is a fill-in that bridges the gap between John Rogers and the upcoming run by Will Pfeifer, and to be honest, fill-in issues go wrong more often than they go right.

This issue, though, falls squarely into the latter category. As has been pointed out on a couple of occasions, my grasp of Spanish is pretty much nil, but even with my limited knowledge, I had no trouble following Jai Nitz’s script. Obviously, I read the translation in the back to get the full picture, but a lot of the credit goes to Mike Norton, who really keeps things moving with some nice storytelling. And to be honest, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out “Gracias por el voto de confianza, abuela. Significa mucha para mi.” Let’s hear it for common linguistic roots!

As for the story itself, beyond the novelty, it’s a pretty straightforward super-hero punch-out, but the real fun lies in Jaime’s interaction with his supporting cast, and that alone proves that Nitz understands what makes Blue Beetle such a fun book to read.

DC Universe Zero: Brace yourselves, kids, it’s about to get spoilery:

So, fifty cents? Yeah, that’s about right.

Ah, but I kid. I like the cheap books that DC does to get people excited about their upcoming crossovers–or at the very least, I prefer this tactic to Marvel’s tendency to put out trades collecting stuff that came out, you know, the week before, and yeah: I’m lookin’ at you here, Secret Invasion. As for the content, well, they don’t leave me a heck of a lot colder than this.

To be honest, I really don’t care about Barry Allen coming back. Its tempting to say that he should’ve stayed dead–because he should’ve; Kevin put it best when he said that Barry works better as an inspiration to be lived up to than he ever did as an actual character–but let’s be real here, folks. Barry Allen never has stayed dead. He’s come back like eight times, and that’s not even counting The Return of Barry Allen! In fact, his completely nonsensical “I’m going to visit you on the three worst days of your life” set of comebacks were the biggest factor in turning me off of Geoff Johns’ work and pegging him as the shameless slave to nostalgia that he often seems to be.

So really, it’s nothing that we haven’t already seen, and since the storytelling options seem to be having even more Flashes running around than we already do or having Barry–and this is crazy, so bear with me–sacrifice his life to save the universe in a shocking plot twist, I’m fully prepared to just shrug it off and move on. No big.

On a more positive note, though, the lettering in this comic is top notch. The way the captions move from black, gradually fading into red until the lightning bolt comes up from the background? That’s good stuff, so take a bow, Nick J. Napolitano. You did some excellent work.

Helen Killer #1: I’m essentially just putting this one out here to remind everyone that it should be available at your local comic book store. Apparently, some stores got it last week, but since it’s finally made its way to the sunny Southeast, it ought to be everywhere.

Anyway, I already covered this issue here, and rest assured that it holds up well on the second reading–because really, “Helen Keller’s berserker rages” is a concept with some staying power–and as you can see above, it definitely meets your daily requirement of alleyway facekicking. I would like to add one thing, however: For bonus awesomeness, read this issue while listening to the song Phantom, by Justice. Believe it or not, it actually makes it more awesome.

Immortal Iron Fist #14: At its heart, “The Seven Capital Cities of Heaven” is really just another version of the All-Valley Karate Tournament, as seen in the greatest movie of all time, right down to a hero named Daniel and Davos’s “You’re all right, LaRusso” moment at the end. And yet, somehow, Iron Fist manages to be even more crazy awesome.

In fact, while I was reading this week’s issue, I found myself thinking, “You know, The Karate Kid would’ve been better if instead of using the Crane Kick on Johnny, Daniel had mastered his chi-power and shot himself like a bullet so that he could punch a train in the face,” and I can assure you, that is a thought that I have never had before. Probably because I never stopped to think about whether or not trains had faces, but now we know they do.

And we know they can be punched.

Legion of Super-Heroes #41: Let’s see here… How can I put this delicately… Who knew Saturn Girl was such a submissive?

For those of you who haven’t read this week’s issue, that probably requires a bit of explanation. Right in the middle of this issue, Lightning Lad’s recovering from a long day of running the Legion, and a scantily clad Saturn Girl walks in with something of an unusually worded request, and not only does that overshadow the punchline–Lightning Lad goes to answer the phone and a disappointed Saturn Girl zips up her top and gets ready to go to work–but it pretty much overshadows the rest of the issue.

For my money, I’ve got to imagine that Jim Shooter’s thought process was less “Oh, right, Saturn Girl’s really into BSDM” than “What’s another synonym for ‘take’?” but the effect is a little more eye-catching. Unless… Hey, maybe she meant she wanted Lightning Lad to pwn her! I mean, I hear GTA IV‘s got some pretty awesome multiplayer, so…

… Nah.

Thor: Ages of Thunder: I’m willing to admit that I may–may–be a little biased on this one.

After all, the fact that I’ve got three oversized comics written by Matt Fraction on my pull list this week is a pretty obvious sign that I’m a fan of the guy’s work, and as someone who loves Thor, I’ve been waiting for a Thor comic where something actually happens for a couple of years now. So really, this one’s right up my alley.

It really is a great read, though: With this one, Fraction’s taking the idea of the Ragnarok Cycle and using it to tell stories about a Thor that in a lot of ways is different from the version of the character that we’re used to: Far more selfish and brutal, and far less noble and concerned with his fellow gods. In those respects, he’s a lot closer to the original version, and so it’s fitting that Fraction’s using him to adapt some of the classic myths, including my all-time favorite from when I was a kid about the giant who rebuilds the wall of Asgard. Although now that I think about it, he does sort of skip past the part where Loki ends up having sex with the giant’s horse and giving birth to Slepnir the Eight-Legged Steed of Odin, but, well, there’s probably a good reason for that.

The art, too, is just beautiful, with Patrick Zircher and June Chung (the art team behind the first story) and Khari Evans, Victor Olazara and Jeena Kevic Djurdjevic (the folks behind the second) just knocking it right out of the park. The story’s largely done in double-page spreads that are divided up into smaller panels, and, well, flip through it. You’ll see for yourself how good it looks.

But like I said, I’m pretty much predisposed to like this stuff, and if you’re going to get your reviews from a biased source, you ought to go the whole nine yards with it. So to that end, here’s what Ages of Thunder writer Matt Fraction has to say. After all, he’s the guy who described this book in an interview as a Thor comic for people who like Led Zeppelin III (with the next in the series apparently made just for Slayer fans), so clearly, he can describe it better than I can. So according to the man himself, this is a comic book where the moral of the story is: “Sometimes killing a fuck-ton of ice giants is its own reward.”

Truer words, my friend, have never been spoken.

Wildguard Insider #1: If you’re reading this, I’m going to go ahead and assume that you’ve got at least a passing interest in super-heroes, and if that’s the case, you really ought to be reading Wildguard. In case you missed it, Todd Nauck–probably best known for drawing Young Justice started the series as something along the lines of a superheroic parody of American Idol, where the readers could vote for the last member of a pre-fab super-hero team. It’s a neat gimmick that did a fun job of getting its fans involved, but the real draw was the sheer amount of characters that Nauck created to flesh out the competition.

They’re all fantastic, from the core team members like Red Rover all the way down to also-rans like Power Temp, the Travel Agent and The Mover and the Shaker, put together with a sense of humor that often overshadows the creativity and effort that Nauck put into his work. It’s great fun, and really, it offers more heroes per page than anything since Jim Kreuger’s Alphabet Supes. Check it out, it’s well worth it.

Kirby Five-Oh: With this one–a big ol’ slice of the Jack Kirby Collector that includes articles where pros vote on their favorite Kirby covers, designs, and pieces of unused art–I think I officially own more books about Jack Kirby than I do about Abraham Lincoln and William Shakespeare combined, a piece of news which I’m sure will surprise absolutely nobody. Suffice to say, though, this thing is awesome: Just from flipping through it a couple of times, I’ve found a dozen things that remind me of why I love Kirby’s work so much, but I think the absolute best has to be one that just cracked me right up.

It’s a design sketch that Kirby did with a note written at the bottom reading: “Roman Field Soldier – My Version – (On the whole, it’s really accurate).”

Knowing what we know about Kirby’s version of accuracy–which he assured us of in the text pieces of Devil Dinosaur, right before the aliens showed up to fight the cavemen and dinosaurs–I’ll let you imagine what it looks like. Fantastic!

The Punisher: Circle of Blood Premiere Hardcover: For those of you keeping score at home, this represents the third version of the first Punisher mini-series that I own, and while that’s not exactly up there with Mike Sterling’s ten copies of House of Secrets #92, I think that puts me well on my way. And really, since I like the Punisher about three times more than anyone actually should, it’s just appropriate.

For those of you who don’t already own it, though, I’ve got to say: This is the version to get. Not only does it have what would stand as the best Punisher story ’til Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon showed up in 2000, but like most of Marvel’s “Premiere” hardcovers, the printing and coloring are beautiful, and it’s loaded with extra pages of Mike Zeck art. Which, you know, aren’t in the original mini-series. Or the Essential.

Clearly, my purchase is completely justified.

And that’s the week, but before we wrap it up, a quick couple of things:

First off, between the time that I started the reviews and finished them, I had a chance to see the new Iron Man movie, and I’ve gotta say, it’s great. Very, very fun.

And second, as I hope you all know, this Saturday is Free Comic Book Day, which–at least in some circles–is commonly regarded as being better than Christmas. Stores all across the world are going to be giving stuff away and hosting guests, so please: Head on down to your local shop and see what’s going on. At the very least, you’ll get some free comic books, and that’s very, very rarely a bad thing.

Now then, onto the usual stuff: As always, if you’ve got any questions about something I read this week, or you just want to talk about how the new issue of Usagi Yojimbo was a great jumping-on point for new readers, or how lamentable it is that The Order was just too, too solid for this world, feel free to drop a line. As for me, I’ll be… Well at this point, do I even have to say?

…and we’re back!

I know what you’re all thinking: “With Dave Campbell gone, you’ve changed, man! Taking three days off in the middle of the week?” And I know, it’s a confusing and frightening time for all of us. But I can assure you that the fact that I have utterly defeated my archrival and gained a crucial victory in my quest for Total Internet Domination will in no way change me. I’m still the same old Chris.

Hm. That’d probably be funnier if you could see that I was typing this from a sedan chair borne aloft by a team of concubines with truly prodigious upper body strength. Oh well, limitations of the format. Whatcha gonna do, right?

But none of that matters! All you need to know is that it’s Thursday night, and that means it’s time for another round of the Internet’s Most Triumphant Comics Reviews! Here’s what I bought…

And now I’m going to review my comic book collection, and you’re gonna like it!

Comics

Army of Darkness/Xena: Why Not? #2: If Dark Xena was the pinnacle of comic book art–and it was–then John Layman’s follow-up where he takes advantage of the fact that Bruce Campbell pretty much plays the same character throughout the Sam Raimi Universe–is the mellow snifter of brandy that washes it down. So intense are my feelings for this, the third installment of Layman’s Xena saga, that I have difficulty expressing myself in traditional review format, and have instead composed a traditional Rondelet:

I think that about says it all.

Batman #675: In theory, the phrase “Grant Morrison’s run on Batman” conjures up something along the same lines as chocolate and peanut butter: Morrison’s body of work speaks for itself, and with JLA, he wrote what are probably the best Batman moments of the ’90s. In practice, however, the run’s more than a little lacking, and this issue’s a perfect example of why.

Don’t get me wrong: I’ll be the first to say that Morrison’s recent Club of Heroes three-parter was the best Batman story in the past five years hands down, but since then, nothing’s been able to get to that height, and this one might actually be a new low. There are good moments in the story–I think we can all agree that Batman taking out one of his enemies with tempura makes for some entertaining reading–but the overall story with Jezebel Jet fell completely flat. As Kevin mentioned, a lot of this probably has to do with the fact that we haven’t seen much of her, but I think an equal share of the problem goes to seeing it all before, and I liked her better back when she was called Silver St. Cloud. There’s been virtually no buildup to what is now a pretty tiresome cliché, and to be honest, I just don’t see why I should care.

Or maybe I’m just taking my cues from the art, because Jet spends most of the issue looking bored out of her mind in what should, by all rights, be pretty tense moments. It’s bad enough that Batman’s sporting a grimace straight out of the Rob Liefeld School of Dentistry on Tony Daniel’s cover, but Ryan Benjamin and Saleem Crawford don’t miss a single opportunity to drop the ball on art chores, and with Batman and his huge thighs giving a 26-tooth smile at the issue’s climax, it starts to read like a very well-colored issue of X-Force.

It’s pretty terrible, but what really stings is that there’s absolutely no reason for it to be anything but great. It’s a top-tier book with a top-tier writer and… well, there are people drawing it, and we’ve seen how good it can be. And yet, we get this. Go figure.

Birds of Prey #117: The last time I reviewed Birds of Prey, I mentioned that I was thinking about giving it up after buying it for almost a hundred issues, and while the last couple of months haven’t done a whole lot to change my opinion, this issue was exactly what I wanted.

With this issue, it feels like Sean McKeever’s finally hit his stride with the title, to the point where I actually forgot that Gail Simone wasn’t writing it anymore. Admittedly, I’m a forgetful sort of guy in matters that don’t directly relate to comics written by Bill Mantlo, but I’d like to think that in this case, it has a lot more to do with McKeever rebounding from some poor character work in the previous issues to get everyone right in this one, especially Misfit.

But really, that’s nothing special, and neither’s the way that he introduces a new set of villains–including my personal favorite, Mind Bullet, whose powers are pretty self-explanatory–or the way that he leaves Manhunter’s hallucinations to the reader’s imagination, but it all works well and comes together to make for some pretty sharp comics. And hey, if they stay this good for two more months, we might just break that hundred-issue streak after all.

Checkmate #25: I’ve often said that Greg Rucka’s run on Checkmate (along with Nunzio DeFillipis, Christina Weir and Eric Trautmann) is the modern successor to John Ostrander’s Suicide Squad, and if there’s any better illustration of that point than the fact that this issue opens by revealing that Checkmate’s badass super-commandos are, in fact, Gravedigger, Cinnamon, Sebastian Faust and G.I. Motherfucking Robot, then brother, I’d like to see it.

Admittedly, I have a very specific sort of love for the DC Universe that allows me to get crazy excited about relatively obscure characters Sebastian Faust–who I don’t think has been seen since Day of Judgment–or genre-specific legacy heroes like Gravedigger–whose predecessor has the honor of being on one of the all-time greatest “that guy is about to get jacked up” covers in history–but seriously: G.I. Robot. He is a robot who kills Nazis in the jungle with his machine-gun arm, and that’s something everyone can enjoy.

Beyond that, though, it’s just a great, solid story with an ending that I’ll freely admit suckered me right in for the twist, and while I hate to see Rucka & Co. leave–especially to be replaced by the generally useless Bruce Jones–it makes for a fantastic ending to a truly great run that did a great job combining the sense and style of Rucka’s more espionage-oriented work with the elements of the DC Universe. If you haven’t already, give it a read.

Hulk vs. Hercules: When Titans Collide #1: And now, an itemized list of things that are awesome about this comic:

1. It takes place in the aftermath of Hulk #300, which, as we all know, is the best Hulk story ever.

2. It features a scene where Hercules is participating in an Unlimited Class Wrestling Federation event, where he applies the dreaded ankle lock to the Thing, thus showing his integrity, intensity and intelligence.

3. During the course of the story, the Hulk meets the happiest giant in the world.

4. The main story ends with the Hulk, Hercules, Athena and Ares all teaming up to beat the crap out of a bunch of giants, thus beginning a giant-wrecking trend that continues in next week’s Thor: Ages of Thunder.

And of course:

5. There is a scene where Hercules punches the Hulk twenty-six times in one panel. That is so so rad.

Uncanny X-Men #497: I’ve been enjoying the heck out of Ed Brubaker and Mike Choi’s latest story, and while I’ve mentioned before that it’s the first time in a while that we’ve seen the X-Men doing something that they don’t usually do–except for the highly enjoyable parts where Wolverine, Nightcrawler and Collossus fight giant robots, because we’ve seen that pretty often–but for this issue, it really just boils down to one fact:

This should totally be Cyclops’s new costume. And that’s real.

Wolverine: First Class #2: I’ll admit that when the first issue of Wolverine: First Class came out last month, I was a little underwhelmed. It wasn’t bad by any means, but it didn’t have the same kind of punch that I was expecting from a new series by the co-writer of Incredible Hercules, let alone the guy who wrote Action Philosophers!. Maybe it was the way Van Lente devoted the opening bit to explaining the premise of the series–a problem that its sister series never seemed to have–but while it was enjoyable, it wasn’t great.

This issue, however, is the best Wolverine story since Darwyn Cooke had him in a crushed velvet suit a few years back. And yes: I’m including the one where he fought zombie ninja super-heroes when I say that.

Simply put, this is as close to my Platonic ideal of what a Wolverine story should be as I’ve ever seen, and while it’s not just because the series structure allows Van Lente to forget all the baggage of the thirty years and present a version of the character that’s a badass with a core of nobility (which is what made him so appealing in the first place), that’s a big part of it. When you throw the sharp dialogue, great humor, explosions, it’s darn near perfect.

But when you add in Caitlin-San the Ninja Waitress, that just pushes it right over the top. Seriously, she’s my pick for Sensational Character Find of 2008, and if I had my way, it’d be her and Karl from AIM in an ongoing series toute suite. Call me, Marvel. I work cheap.

X-Men: First Class #11: I’ve mentioned before that every now and then, I get the feeling that there are comics out there that are being marketed directly to me–like that one issue of Iron Fist where the solicitation promised girls, pirates and kicking in one comic at last–but this time, I know for sure that I was the target audience for this one. Why?

Because last week, writer and ISB Favorite Jeff Parker decided to take a more grassroots approach and started advertising the new issue of XMFC to one person at a time, starting with me. But it wasn’t just me: Parker also appealed to the rampaging Graeme McMillan and Bully the Little Stuffed Bull before he switched back to advertising to the masses, but still, it’s nice to know my love of Francophonic Facekickery has spread to the heart of Marvel.

Of course, I was planning on picking this issue up anyway–and with good reason, it’s consistently one of the most enjoyable comics Marvel’s putting out, let alone one of the best X-Men books in years–but brother, he wasn’t kidding: This might just be the best issue of the series. Nick Dragotta does a phenomenal job filling in for Roger Cruz, and, well, my feelings regarding Colleen Coover and why she should be drawing Every Single Comic Ever have been pretty well-documented, and seeing her draw Man-Thing and Fin Fang Foom on the same page fulfilled a dream I didn’t even know I had. And the story…. Well, I never thought I’d get a chance to use this sentence, but Jeff Parker’s created a kid-friendly metafiction that goes from being solidly funny to absolutely hilarious if you’ve ever worked in a comic book store.

And if that still doesn’t convince you, then Parker’s got plenty of others waiting at his site, and…

Oh man.

I just noticed that Colleen Coover drew the Rick Barry/Dr. J “Street Ball” ad in her section.

And ROM.

AND U.S.1

Clearly, this is the greatest comic book of the New Willennium.

And on that note, I’m calling it a night. As always, any questions on something I read this week–like speculation on what Veronica’s “older friends” that she moved in with when she ran away were really up to in this week’s Betty & Veronica–feel free to leave them in the comments section below.

Boy, is it ever Thursday!

Yeah, yeah, I know. But despite the fact that it’s a day late, this is still another round of the Internet’s Most Punctual Comics Reviews!

Here’s what I picked up this week, and say, Jonah… What’s your favorite song by Loudness?

And here’s what I thought about them:

Comics

Booster Gold #8: That’s right, folks: Even in a week with Criminal, BPRD and a new issue of Wasteland, the comic I had the most fun reading was Booster Gold. And believe it or not, it’s not entirely because of Wild Dog.

I’ve talked about my surprising affection for Booster Gold before, but it’s always worth going through again. Whether you’re a fan of Geoff Johns or not, you’ve got to admit that a lot of his work is rooted–and occasionally mired–in nostalgia, and while I’ll freely admit that this is pretty much the entire point behind a book like Justice Society of America, it can get a little stale for me when it devolves from acknowledging and building on the past to navel-gazing stagnation. With Booster Gold, though, the end result is something far more exciting with a greater feel of forward momentum and an underlying sense of the pure fun of the DC Universe.

Maybe it’s the time-travel element that allows for past stories to be examined in the characters’ (and the readers’) present, maybe it’s cowriter Jeff Katz just knocking it out of the park on a monthly basis, and maybe–and I’m perfectly willing to entertain this possibility–it’s just the fact that the book’s nostalgic for the same stuff that I like, but it works, and it works well. And in this issue, that last one is pretty well summed up in a thing called The Wild Dog Factor.

Because seriously, you guys? I freakin’ love Wild Dog, and if there’s any character that deserves to return from obscurity, it’s the Quad Cities’ greatest counter-terrorist vigilante. Admittedly, Gorjus wasn’t wrong when he left a comment saying that Wild Dog was mischaracterized–despite his bat-shit crazy appearance, Jack Wheeler is far more methodical and reasonable than his name would suggest–but this is the Wild Dog of a post-apocalyptic alternate present, and going through that sort of thing can put some stress on a guy. Besides, it’s all worth it just to get the line about how he “obliterates everything in a ten foot radius,” punctuated by the sound of him loading up an automatic. That is gold.

And, well, I never liked Pantha anyway.

So, to review: Booster Gold is rapidly becoming one of DC’s best comics, and if you’d like to learn more about Wild Dog, please visit your local library. Or your local quarter bin. And if you see a copy of the Special, grab me one, ’cause it’s the last one I need.

BPRD: 1946 4: Here are two facts about the new issue of BPRD: 1946:

1. There is a splash page in this issue that includes a robot nazi giraffe.

2. This is not even close to being the most awesome thing about this issue.

As much as I love the Hellboy stories that pit the main character against Lovecraftian horrors or obscure folklore–and I do; Makoma is one of my favorites–there’s something that’s undeniably appealing about seeing the BPRD going up against Nazi occultists, and the origin of that conflict is shaping up to be the best BPRD arc since the series started.

I mean, this is a series about Hellboy’s dad fighting Hitler’s vampire army, and while the elements of the series are often clichés of the genre–heck, they’re even clichés of Hellboy–Mignola and Dysart’s script is full of moments that are just perfect and scenes that actually create a sense of dread (at least ’til the last page, where it gets awesome), and Paul Azaceta’s heavy, moody art is almost perfect for it. Just fantastic stuff all around.

Comic Foundry #2: I meant to mention this last week, but for those of you who haven’t grabbed it yet, the second issue of the devastatingly handsom Tim Leong’s Comic Foundry hit shelves last week, and it’s even better than the first.

The most obvious change, of course, is that the interior of the magazine is now in color, and while that’s not strictly necessary, it goes a long way to making it more visually appealing than it already was. The rest of the magazine, though, is just an extension of what made the first issue so great: The emphasis in this issue isn’t just on the content of the comics–though there is the almost-mandatory Secret Invasion interview with Brian Bendis where he comes off every bit as pleased with himself as you might expect–but on how they actually work, and, in a lot of interesting articles like the retrospective of James Jean’s album covers, the ways that they interact with other media. Even better is the emphasis on the people behind the comics, and the fact that this is a magazine that went with a photograph of a creator–in this case, ISB Favorite Matt Fraction, whose interview is awesome–rather than a piece of art says a lot about the magazine’s direction. The downside of this, of course, is that you don’t get any articles wondering whether Batman’s seriously for real going to die this year or letting you know about how awesome it was when Wolverine fought his bastard son, but the upshot is that it’s actually really interesting.

What might be surprising, though, is how funny and enjoyable it is, and while other magazines–I won’t name names here, but I’m talking about Wizard–tend to go after the lowest common denominator with an incredible zeal, Foundry‘s fun–and occasionally outright silly–without talking down to its readers.

It’s the same sort of criticism about comics that I wish I could pull off as well as Leong does, and if you’re not already picking it up, it’s well worth a read. And rest assured: I have already emailed Leong about the Jimmy Olsen fashion article and its abject lack of bowties, and he assured me that it won’t happen again.

The part where I email him, I mean. Apparently, there are laws against online harassment. Who knew?

Criminal v.2 #2: And speaking of things that I absolutely love, we have Criminal. Pretty much everyone with a modicum of taste has no doubt already talked about how this is one of the absolute best comics on the market thanks to Ed Brubaker’s brutal, heartbreaking crime stories and Sean Philips’ gorgeous, equally brutal art, but when you get right down to it, it’s almost unfair to compare it to any other comic. It’s just that different.

And not just because only a handful of comics can approach this level of quality; Criminal‘s different right down to its very format. There’s just nothing else out there where a painted wraparound cover opens up on thirty pages of story that are capped off with an illustrated article on writers’ favorite crime stories. Even the solicitations in Previews look completely different from everything else; it’s almost like it’s a whole other medium designed for pure noir-style awesomeness.

And interestingly enough, those articles–which are always, always worth reading and send me heading over to adjust the Netflix queue every time it comes out–aren’t reprinted in the trades, and while the stories themselves make them well worth reading, the suspense of the stories and fact that there’s so much to each issue makes this a book that I’ll always want to get monthly, even while I’m switching out other stuff with trades.

The Goon #23: So in the three months that The Goon has been coming out monthly, Eric Powell has revealed that he has at his disposal: a) Burlesque Dancers, b) a cagefighter, and c) a team of roller derby girls. Clearly, this can mean only one thing:

I hate Eric Powell.

Nah, I’m just kidding. I like Eric Powell just fine, and really, since he’s been doing top-notch work on one of my favorite comics for going on five years now, how could I not? And top-notch it is: Since its return, the Goon has been heading in a more serious direction, and while Powell’s been proving all along that he can pull off tense, engaging character moments, putting the focus on them is a great reminder of how good he actually is. Which isn’t to say that Powell’s abandoned his signature humor entirely. I mean, he’s still doing plots that involve characters whose official team name is “The Little Unholy Bastards,” so that’s not really a possibility.

Number of the Beast #1: I wasn’t originally planning on picking this one up, but I ended up having a surprising amount of fun with the lead-in, Wildstorm Revelations. Then again, I’m probably the only one who was surprised by the fact that Chris Sims really enjoyed a six-issue mini-series where Savant, Nemesis (the other one) and the all-new barely legal Backlash tarted around the Wildstorm Universe having swordfights in bikinis.

Regardless, it ended up being a lot of fun, and while I’m a little shaky on the concept–which appears to be a series designed to bring a huge, unifying conflict to what is essentially a universe of analogues–it was solid enough to end up checking it out. As for Number of the Beast, well, it’s still a little early to tell, but it does have one big point in its favor: Chris Sprouse. Those of you who already know Sprouse from his work on Tom Strong or the incredibly awesome Two-Face story from Batman Annual #14 will already know that Sprouse is awesome, and seeing him draw a bunch of super-heroes, aliens and a rampaging robot is pretty much always worth taking the risk.

Still… It woulda been better if Eddie was in it.

Suburban Glamour #4: And now, a Special Guest Review from the internet’s Beaucoup Kevin:

“Hi, Kevin Church here. I’m writing this review for Chris Sims because he’s busy doing a favor for me. I think I can sum up how he feels by mentioning that there’s psychic fist-blades, attractive young ladies, and a dude with no face gets it right in the noggin with a bass guitar. He’d give it ten out of five stars before taking a long, cold shower.”

And that pretty much sums it up. Thanks, Kevin!

Tiny Titans #3: So, uh, you might’ve already heard this from Sterling, but this issue of Tiny Titans features Dr. Light.

Yes, that Dr. Light.

Now admittedly, the target audience for Tiny Titans has never–and hopefully will never–read Identity Crisis, and I’ll be the first to admit that Baltazar and Franco have been getting better with each issue and that I could read about Principal Deathstroke and his suit jacket all day long, but… yikes, man. Just yikes.

Books

Devil’s Cape: Under normal circumstances, one of the quickest ways to get me to hate something is to bill it as being “reminiscent of Alan Moore’s Watchmen or NBC’s mega-hit Heroes.” I mean, I coudln’t care less about the latter, but when most things try to capture the feeling of Watchmen, they tend to fail miserably. So to be perfectly honest, I was a little nervous when I opened up a package from novelist and ISB reader Rob Rogers and found that quote glaring at me from the back cover of his first novel, Devil’s Cape.

Fortunately, my worries were completely unfounded, as Devil’s Cape is far less of an attempt at capturing a marketable style and far more of a well-done story of super-heroes, revenge, and a city that outright refuses to be saved.

The most interesting thing about it–for me, anyway–was the amount of thought that Rogers had put into crafting his world of super-heroes that his characters inhabit. As much as the story is about its three main characters and their “origin story” as individuals and as super-hero team, I think it’s fair to say that it’s even more devoted to the city of Devil’s Cape itself: Founded by pirates and ruled over from the shadows by super-villains, it provides a distinctive backdrop that Rogers weaves right into the characters and their actions. Simply put, it’s a city where evil wins–and has been doing so for quite some time.

The emphasis on world-building and the way that the main characters–Argonaut, Bedlam and Doctor Camelot–and their powers are described struck me as more like the aspects of RPG development than anything else (so it might not come as a surprise that it’s being published by Wizards of the Coast’s Discoveries line), but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The attention to detail comes through, and the fight scenes–the largest of which involves a dozen characters with super-powers wrecking their way through a mansion–make sense despite their complicated elements.

It is, however, Rogers’ first novel, and there are places where that comes through: The chapter breaks, for instance, are all accompanied by “excerpts” from sources as varied as Devil’s Cape travel guides and news reports, and while it’s a good gimmick, there are places where they cut off in odd places, ostensibly to preserve future plot points. There are places where it’s overwritten, where Rogers errs on the side of caution by explaining things that don’t necessarily need to be explained. They’re minor snags, but the interesting thing for the reader is seeing how fast Rogers improves within the space of one book: The first half might be a little rocky in pages, but once you hit a certain point, the rest of the book just blows right by, and it’s a heck of a lot of fun.

So if a team of super-heroes forming to take on impossible odds in a crime-ridden city in New Orleans appeals to you–and let’s be honest, if you’re here, it probably does–check it out: It’s available on Amazon, there are previews up at Wizards.com, and Rogers even put up an excerpt for Friday Night Fights.

And that’s the week! As always, any questions on something I read this week–like how much I liked the first thirty pages of Mark Smith’s Aqua Leung (HINT: a lot)–can be left in the comments section below. As for me, well, GTA IV comes out soon, and the Geth aren’t gonna stop themselves, now are they?

While all the Caddyshacking we’ve been up to this week at the ISB has been fun, it’s time once again to get things back to normal. Or at least, what passes for normal around here, and I think we all know what that is:

Because really, if there’s anything that says “a return to normalcy,” it’s Spider-Man putting the boots to a gang of Kabuki Snowsuit Fighters.

Why? Because it’s Thursday night, and that means it’s time once again for another round of the Internet’s Most Foolish Comics Reviews! Here’s what I picked up this week..

…but was I merely a foolish fool on a fool’s errand to fool myself with foolish foolishness? Read on, Franziska. Read on.

Comics

Amazing Spider-Man #555: I may have mentioned this once or twice before, but seriously, you guys? I love Spider-Man. What I don’t love, however, is when Spider-Man whines constantly, and this issue delivers that like it’s going out of style.

Admittedly, a little bit of the old Parker self-pity is a necessary part of the character, and a lot of the best classic Spider-Man stories–which are no doubt providing the template for what the current run’s doing its best to recapture–involve a healthy dose of griping, which is to be expected. Heck, most of the character’s appeal comes from the fact that he’s the original hard-luck hero, but more often than not, the complaining quickly gives way to actual super-heroism. With this issue, though, it’s non-stop: He complains about the fight that he’s in, he complains about being out of cereal, he complains about Wolverine, he complains about his job, and worst of all, he complains when someone asks him to go save someone’s life. He even complains about the weather, but, well, everybody does that, so that one doesn’t really count.

Point being: Zeb Wells spends the first issue of his arc showing us a character that does nothing but whine about everything, and that doesn’t exactly make for an enjoyable protagonist, especially when we just came through an arc where he made a deal with Satan so that he wouldn’t have to stand around reflecting on what a hassle it was to be living with his gorgeous supermodel wife instead of his doddering, wheatcake-slinging aunt.

Anna Mercury #1: So, I had a dream about Anna Mercury last night, and believe it or not, it was actually weirder than it sounds.

See, I was reading the first issue of Final Crisis, and when I got to the end, Superman was like “There’s only one person who can help us now,” and then he stepped aside and Anna Mercury walked into the Justice League Watchtower. It turned out that Final Crisis was going to end up being a huge crossover between Grant Morrison’s DCU and all of the projects Warren Ellis has done for Avatar over the past couple of years, because I think maybe DC had just bought Avatar for some reason? I’m not sure how that part worked, because even when you factor in dream logic, that’s just weird.

And here’s the really weird part: I didn’t read Anna Mercury until this afternoon, which marks the first time I’ve had a dream about a comic book that I haven’t even read yet, although to be fair, it’s not the first dream I’ve had where I’m sitting around reading comics. Clearly, I need to either find a new hobby or see about getting on a stringent program of antipsychotic medication.

As for the comic itself, well, it stinks. Literally, I mean; sometimes the ink Avatar uses is pretty ripe, and it’s awfully hard to concentrate on getting through a comic when it smells like someone’s tarring a roof next door while you’re trying to read. Still, it’s not as bad as the first printing of Dark Horse Book of Hauntings, which was bound with glue that smelled like a swamp made of murders, but in this case, the medium does detract a bit from the message. If you can get past that, though, it’s the typically engaging science-action you’d expect from a Warren Ellis Avatar project. And if my dreams are any indication, I’m sure it’ll be highly collectible.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer #13: You know, this might just be the Johnny Ryan fan in me talking, but I would totally read Joss Whedon Presents The Adventures of Racist Dracula.

Believe it.

Casanova #13: Right, so we’re all reading Casanova, right? Of course we are: It’s written by Friend of the ISB and Honorary Dreadnok Matt Fraction, it’s drawn by Fabio Moon, and it’s at least a dollar cheaper than anything else that comes out monthly.

Even if it was twice as much, though, it’s still be worth every penny and more, and this issue shows exactly why. I’ve admitted before to being a sucker for simple, well-done gimmicks, and while the distinctive color scheme for each story arc (black and white with green highlights in the first volume, black and white with blue for this one) and the way that Fraction and Moon break the pattern by setting this issue’s flashbacks in the color scheme that matches the first volume falls into that category, it indicates an underlying attention to detail and craft that you just don’t see a lot of. And of course, it doesn’t hurt that the story surrounding the flashbacks is one of the most thrilling and engaging stories you’re likely to find, either.

But of course, we all knew that, because we’re all reading Casanova already, right? Right.

Countdown Special: Kamandi: And speaking of things we should all own, I’m essentially just listing this here in case anyone didn’t see the eye-catching Ryan Sook cover featuring the greatest hero to ever sport Daisy Dukes, but while we’re on the subject, it’s confession time: This is actually the first time I’ve ever read these stories.

Up ’til now, the only of Kamandi issues that I own are the ones where he crosses over with Karate Kid, and those aren’t even Kirby stories. And while there are a couple of archives available, dropping a hundred bucks seems like a pretty daunting prospec, even for me.

I now realize, however, that these are just excuses, because if the stories reprinted in the Special are any indication, then Kamandi is a comic book featuring nothing but a boy rolling around in a post-apocalyptic future and punching out animals. And really, outside of OMAC, there’s no better comic for me than that.

Jack Staff #15: I’ve said before–pretty much every time it came out–that if Jack Staff was coming out monthly, it’d be the best comic on the market and, well, here we are. Jack Staff‘s coming out monthly, and it is, in fact, the best comic book on the market.

There’s not a whole lot more I can say about it than that, but what the heck, let’s give it a shot: Simply put, Paul Grist’s work on this series is everything great about comics–and not just super-hero stories, but the medium itself–boiled down and done at the same time. The technical stuff alone–Grist’s page layouts and storytelling, the emotion and action he’s able to express with his deceptively simple figures–would set him apart as one of the greats, but even among his own work, Jack Staff stands out for the sheer amount that he works into each issue.

This issue, for instance, features the Druid, Bramble & Son, Zipper Nolan, Detective Inspector Maveryk, and Becky Burdock at two different points in her life, all in their own independent storylines that’ll come crashing in on each other by the time it’s all said and done, and this is one of the slow issues. I mean, it doesn’t even have Helen Morgan and the Agents of Q, Alfred Chinnaird, The Claw, or even Tom Tom the Robot Man. But that’s okay: I’m pretty sure they’re all in the next one.

If it sounds like I’ve gone over the line from a positive review to out-and-out gushing, there’s a good reason for it: Jack Staff is my favorite comic, and if you’ve never read it, then you’re missing out on one of the great underappreciated masterpieces of modern comic. So if you haven’t, jump on, and if you have, what the hey? Give it another read. It holds up.

Trades

Iron Man: Doomquest HC: I was having a conversation with some of my friends about Iron Man the other day–because, y’know, I’m the kind of guy who has conversations about Iron Man with his friends–and it came up that for such a prominent, long-running character, there really aren’t that many “essential” Iron Man stories out there. When it comes right down to it, there are only about six, and if you read those, you know everything you need to know about Tony Stark.

Then again, you can pretty much just listen to the theme song from the ’60s cartoon that identifies him as a cool exec with a heart of steel and get the gist, so that might not be saying much.

Point being, on the short list of ol’ Shellhead’s necessary adventures, Doomquest sits right at the top, because it’s the one where Iron Man and Dr. Doom travel back in time to the Age of Camelot to slug it out Middle-Ages style. It’s one of the classics of the Marvel Universe, and–along with the sequel that came a hundred issues later, which is also included in the hardcover–is surpassed only by the majesty that is Armor Wars II. And even that didn’t have a scene where Dr. Doom considers vaporizing a string quartet for not rocking hard enough.

So yeah. Pretty awesome.

And that’s the week. As always, any questions, comments, or people pretending to be surprised that I’m enjoying Wildstorm Revelations as much as I am can be left in the comments section below, and just to head things off at the pass, Secret Invasion was better than I expected, but still pretty terrible.

So until next time, ain’t nobody dope as me!