The Stephenie Meyer Bio Comic Is Actually Worse Than Twilight



When you’re doing a biography of Stephenie Meyer, you’re going to run into a problem right off the bat, namely the fact that Stephanie Meyer is really f–king boring.

Really, we’re not even trying to dis Meyer here, but the fact of the matter is that she just hasn’t done a whole lot. She never sailed down the Mississippi like Mark Twain, she never married a complete lunatic like F. Scott Fitzgerald did, heck, she never even did a ton of coke and got run over by a van like Stephen King. We can sum up her entire life in twenty words. Watch:

“Stephenie Meyer grew up in the Southwest, got married, had kids, wrote some books about vampires and got rich. Batman.”

We threw “Batman” in there to make it more exciting.

Full review at ComicsAlliance.

25 thoughts on “The Stephenie Meyer Bio Comic Is Actually Worse Than Twilight

  1. I think the “hand-becomes-Utah” page is kind of awesome. Sure, it’s only there because the writer and artist are trying desperately to find some way for this to be remotely interesting, but it has a certain Ed Wood quality to it.

  2. We threw “Batman” in there to make it more exciting.

    And if only Blue Water Comics had thought like you do.

  3. I would so totally pre-order issue #1 of “Pablo Picasso High, home of the Fightin’ Cubists.” They could go and kick the pointy pointillist asses of those punks at Seurat High.

  4. What I was trying to figure out was whether this was an official biography she signed off on or an unofficial one that she can sue them over.

    One would think that having a demonic being urging her to write more would conflict with her religious beliefs. That, or assuming she’s dumb enough to eat at the Dinner Diner.

  5. As funny as this was, and it damn sure was, you probably could have just used the dreaded fried ice cream jpeg to sum the whole experience up and saved yourself time.

    I’m gonna get fried ice creamed jpeged, aren’t I?

  6. Truly, if Stephanie Meyer can make a mint by catching pubescent lightning in a bottle then more power to her.

    Just don’t expect me to buy it.

  7. whoever did the cover isnt a bad artist… though im not sure what Charisma Carpenter is doing on the cover of Stephenie Meyer’s biography.

    also, i cant help but say “Stephenie” like Number Five from Short Circuit.

  8. Frankly, I think stigmata is revolting, no matter what state appears on the afflicted’s hands.

  9. also, i cant help but say “Stephenie” like Number Five from Short Circuit.

    Wouldn’t you like to be a pepper to?

  10. Great article, but I would just like to point out that “auow” is in fact a noise made countless times by James Brown.

  11. The ultimate anti-Sims weapon: the Anita Blake-Stephenie Meyer team-up spectacular! THRILL as they team up to kill Fake Dracula! CHILL as they stand around talking about Utah for twenty pages! SPILL as they admire one another’s mighty thighs and cubist face, respectively! LAUGH as absolutely nothing happens and Chris’s tears flow like the Nile at Inundation!

  12. With respect to the writer and artist what could they have done? I suppose they might have tried to care more about what they were creating here. I say that as a theoretical though as I know if I’d gotten this assignment I sure as hell couldn’t have.

    Still…that Dinner bit is great. In the morning do they remove the entire pane of glass and replace it with one reading ‘Breakfast’?