Today at ComicsAlliance, I took a different angle on my usual shtick to make some jokes about real people — or at least reasonable simulacra thereof — with a look at six real-life celebrities that would fit right in with Marvel’s Thunderbolts!
So please enjoy the jokes, and as an added bonus, have fun with the comments telling me who I “forgot,” which make me want to commit crimes too!
Now that Conan O’Brien’s back on the air, I’ve been watching late-night talk shows again, which means that I’ve become extremely familiar with the TSA’s new airport search policies, which — if my understanding is correct — involve groping, radiation and audience laughter. Clearly, there’s a marked thematic overlap with super-hero comics blogging.
That’s why today, I’m suggesting 9 super-heroes that would do great work for the TSA, including “Hammerin'” Hank Pym, as seen above. Because clearly, that guy is way into cavity searches.
From John Stanley’s Nancy, this year’s Free Comic Book Day offering from Drawn & Quarterly.
From 1981’s Archie’s Christmas Love-In. What? It made me laugh.
Three panels from Jughead’s Double Digest #142.
Yes. They are from one comic.
Those of you who don’t religiously follow comics set in Riverdale might be interested to learn that last week’s issue of Jughead’s Double Digest kicked off a “New Look” story where Jughead’s pals attempt to set him up with a girl so that he won’t feel left out on date night.
But there’s a very slight problem.
See, just like the previous New Look story–Betty & Veronica‘s Bad Boy Trouble
Don’t get me wrong: I’m all about Archie’s continuing attempts at diversifying Riverdale and she really does seem like a nice girl, and it’s entirely possible that ten years on the internet have given me a filthy, filthy mind, but Sandy Sanchez? Really? Nobody at Archie could think of any reason why that would be a bad idea?
Then again, since the target audience for the Archie books is–at least in theory–still unspoiled by this truly awful world in which we live, this might just be a case of the creators not even bothering to worry about this stuff, and if that’s the case, it opens up a whole new world of storytelling opportunities.
Thus, with a story based around Archie trying to give Jug the ol’ Sandy Sanchez out of the way, I turned to some friends of mine to find out what other stories we can expect from the Riverdale Crew in the future:
“Jughead tries to restore a musical instrument he found at the Riverdale dump in a story we just had to call: THE RUSTY TROMBONE.”
—Dr. K
“Archie has been getting saucy letters from Betty or Veronica, but which one? Read on to find out in, THE SNAIL TRAIL!”
—Ken Lowery
“Archie and Jughead learn what life is like for little people in Riverdale in: THE GRUMPY MUNCHKIN.”
—Mark Hale
“Moose is blocking the printer! Archie’s desperately trying to turn in a paper! Will he be able to makes Mrs Grundy Happy when there’s NO REACHAROUND?”
—Kevin Church
“Experiments with electricity give the girls quite a buzz when Dilton shows them THE SHOCKER!”
—Mark Hale
And my own:
“It’s the field hockey championship, but will a rivalry in sports tear a friendship apart? Find out when Betty & Veronica are: TWO GIRLS, ONE CUP!”
Thanks, guys. And to the rest of you, I am truly sorry.
Yes, that sound you heard as you got your comics today was our much-beleaguered Internet being cracked in half yet again by Brian “The Shockmaster” Bendis, thanks to the latest issue of New Avengers.
Ever corner of the web is already abuzz with the far-reaching implications here, but I’ve got to say, I really don’t get what’s so surprising here.
I mean…
…everybody does it!