All you really need to know about the new Conan movie in order to decide if you want to see it is that there’s a scene where Conan cuts a dude’s head off, then punches another dude in the face with the severed head.
If, however, you’d like more details, I’ve written up a full review of Conan’s latest adventure, from the insane violence to the mystifying plot. Sadly, it’s not a two-hour film adaptation of Rogues in the House, but maybe they’ll get to that with the sequel. One can always hope.
As long-time ISB readers are well aware, I love the hell out of some Conan the Barbarian, and it won’t surprise anyone to learn that I’m looking forward to seeing the new movie this weekend. But before I head into the theater, I’m getting pumped with a look back at ten of the most brutal moments from Savage Sword of Conan, the magazine that specialized in black-and-white barbarian brutality.
Mainly, this article is an opportunity to revisit a theme I’ve discussed more than once here: That you should never, ever step to Conan.
…you just need to see Conan headlock a tiger.
From The Savage Sword Of Conan v.6, which also includes a story where Conan has sex with a girl, then fights a bear, then the girl turns into a tiger, then Conan turns into a lion, then they fight, then Conan turns back into Conan, then the guy who turned him into a lion gets shot in the head, and then Conan cuts his head off and steals a statue and then thinks about how he’d like to have kids someday because things were different back then.
You have just been disarmed by a lion.
Now what do you do?
Tonight’s probing question brought to you by the newly released Savage Sword of Conan v.6.
Do you have any idea how much it sucks to be kicked in the face by a guy who has trod the jeweled thrones of the Earth beneath his sandaled feet?
That guy does.
From The Savage Sword of Conan #44 by–who else?–Roy Thomas and John Buscema.
The Savage Sword of Conan: Providing Graphic Violence and Nudity to the Impressionable Youth of America Since 1974.